Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Give me something to look forward to

Why is it that we live like that? from exciting moment to exciting moment? Since my breakup...I've felt trapped in a world without exciting moments. There was so much going on with Liam...either I was jetting off to London, or he was coming here...and I was going to get to show him around. We traveled so much. We traveled when I lived in London too...even if we didn't leave London. The city was infinitely fascinating. Every weekend, there was a different nook to be explored. An Underground trip to be mapped out. I spent about three hours sitting in one place Monday afternoon wondering what to do with myself...wondering how high my MLGW bill would be if I turned the air down just a little more to keep the sweat off the under side of my knees.

Then some days I get wrapped up in the daily tasks that make life livable. I get carried away in the kitchen, listening to NPR, cleaning up messes...yes...even cleaning out the litter box. Cleaning the shower this Sunday was fabulous...I listened to Showtunes on digital cable. It was so gay (not that there's anything wrong with being....into showtunes)....and by gay I mean...fabulous...FABULOUS. It's really the only way to clean...and listening to NPR is the only way to cook. I'm finally getting well. God, it feels good. I was sick for two freaking weeks. I almost had pinkeye at one point...it was INSANE.

What I'm saying is: It's not SO bad living...just living...and trying to figure out living. It's awesome having the opportunity to roam...and even awesomer having someone to roam with. But sometimes living requires cleaning...the little corners. Getting down on my hands and knees...finding joy in sucking up the ball of fur in the corner of the hallway.

Even though I'm looking forward to something...who knows what. Always....

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Interesting that no one commented on cleaning. It's what I do best, until the last 6 months when I broke my arm. There is joy in cleaning and living in an orderly environment. Flowers help too. Listening to NPR. Don't 'cha just love it sometimes! Good music.

But, alas, it is necessary to have a goal beyond a clean house, and one that's bigger than you are, made "barely" possible because of your gifts (we all have them).

Also, God is very grounding. It's nice to have a relationship with the Creator, the revealed yet still mysterious Almighty, maker of heaven and earth!

That great philosopher, Scotty Little, told me, "Marcy, anything can happen. Best not to wait around until it does." He was talking about plumbing problems, but I take his comments in a larger context.

Life is at best and worst and risky adventure, with the operative word being "adventure".

Loved dinner last night but not as much as you!

Your best fan...

chrishaley said...

"It's not SO bad living...just living...and trying to figure out living."

That's a good sentence.

Juniperrr said...

the pleasure i get out of little everyday things has grown exponentially, since i quit drugs. and i don't even know if i should say "everyday things," because a lot of it is new to me.

i mean, it's fairly new to me to be getting into cooking different things, to read more, to work-out, to bike in the city, to make a little NPR playlist to listen to while cleaning. it's fairly new to have solely my own place.. to clean, to decorate.

sure, i sometimes get tired of doing these things in my same ol' hometown, but a lot of times i think a good practice is learning to look inside instead of out. i agree with you that waiting for the next exciting moment isn't the ideal way to live. what happens to all those moments in between? wasted.

i like these sayings:

The grass isn't always greener on the other side. It's greener where you stay and water it.

Plant your own garden and nourish your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

Carrie said...

Not to downplay the suffering you surely felt from your various ailments, but how does one "almost" have pink-eye? Is that like being a little bit pregnant?