Tuesday, December 4, 2007

I am no longer a valuable member of society, or at least, that's how I feel

There's something odd about leaving your home country to live and work in another country...it's something that is incredibly hard to admit...being an American is way easier, and feels much better when in America. I cannot get a job. I can't even get a temping job. I was pretty much guaranteed work on Monday morning, but I ended up waiting around in the agency for three hours until they sent me home because they just couldn't find anything. Well, they found ONE job, but they gave it to the other "sit-in" that arrived fifteen minutes late, because she had a blazer on (and mind you, I was dressed up pretty darn good)...she also had a cold which she may have given to me. We shall see. So, at the moment, I apply for jobs and wait to get the rejection that inevitably comes. I also get up in the very early a.m. to call the temp. agency to tell them that I'm available, and then never get called. Sometimes I cry because I feel so bloody useless, and sometimes I think about coming back to the states so that I can pretty much get a job right off the bat. Sometimes I wonder why the hell I'm so eager to give up any chance of opportunity to be with a guy. I mean, I could be teaching right this instant, but instead I'm in a country that has no use for me. This guy is great, don't get me wrong, and wants to do whatever he can to help me, and is doing whatever he can, but pretty soon, I'm just a drain on him too...so what do I do? Do I wait? Probably. Life is never easy, and, as I've said to many of my friends: anything WORTH doing is going to be difficult, but when does it become just plain stupid? At the moment, I've no desire to do anything. I have the will enough to lie in bed and try to sleep off this lovely gift of a cold that was given to me by Blazer woman who, by the way, was told that a hot toddy would make her feel better, so she had one ON HER WAY TO WORK...so....I'm also smarter than she is. Drink a hot toddy at night because it will help you sleep and it will help your symptoms so that you can comfortably get to sleep. I may not have had a blazer at the time (I've got one now, dammit), but I wasn't drunk. I'm a little more career minded than that. This blog turned out to be way less blubbery than I thought it would be. Surprisingly my mind has taken a utilitarian turn...it may have been the academic writing that I just spent a year trying to perfect. Creativity be damned, I've got a worthless degree!


diana said...

I love you. it's going to be okay. remember, it's not even been two weeks, and less since you started looking. england needs you.

Anonymous said...

You'll be fine--better than fine. Like D said, it hasn't been even a month yet, and that is average time here in the states, and it is probably no less abroad.

Snuggle up to Liam, I'm sure he is glad with you simply being there.


Anonymous said...

Would you immediately have gotten a teaching job that you LIKED with your degree in Memphis? No. Do you like living in new places? Yes. Are you a strong woman? Yes. Can you come back if you hate it there in 6 months? Yes. Do you get lots of pleasure in being with someone you love? Yes. Do you contribute things besides money to Liam's well-being and to your relationship? Yes. Is it okay to let other people take care of you financially sometimes? Yes. Was Liam also willing to temporarily move to be with you? Yes. Have I had to periodically remind myself of these kinds of things a lot in the past year? Yes. Would I tell you if I thought that you weren't getting enough in return for what you gave up to move? You know I would.

I hope that you are feeling much better, and I love you. And you should post a picture of yourself in your blazer so that we can see how smashingly professional you look.


chrishaley said...

I know I'm a day late on this post, but I hope the job is going well.
I know it would have been more appropriate to post it in the next post, but this is what I do.
Also, congratulations on having a Master's Degree. That makes you a master of something, and that is a neat thing to be able to say.

Anonymous said...

Hey, these things take time. I graduated from college with my useless degree 4 years ago today, and here I sit, reading and commenting on a friend's blog, somehow surviving. Well, I am in the States...so...anyway...

Is Apryl the most logical friend that we have? Yes.