Friday, September 25, 2009

The Resistance

I have been living in a small town in North Georgia for four months now, and I think it's time to review.

As I've said before, about three days into my move here, I started experiencing a great deal of depression and panic. I used to stand in the shower and suffocate, worry that I would pass out because the weight of everything was crushing my chest. Brad and I have argued like cats and dogs, although, not all cats and dogs argue, but you understand the expression. Brad has worked 60+ hour weeks, gone from satisfied with his work, to frustrated and disappointed in his employers, and from excited about the outdoors, to desperate for the culture of the city. I don't think there has ever been a time when I was not desperate for the culture of the city. To counter some of the insanity, we have made frequent trips into Atlanta to enjoy things like Indie movie theaters (movie theaters in general, actually), good restaurants that serve classy beers, and creative martinis, organic markets, book stores (for crying out loud), and urban metro yoga studios. We've had lovely trips into the city.

Back in Dahlonega, my days unfold as follows: I get up, I sit on my back porch, avoiding the spider webs (they kill the bugs), drink a cup of coffee, and eat some sort of breakfast....and play Spider Solitaire for about an hour. Then I go to the garden at the winery. I take my shoes off, check the progress of all of the plants, pull weeds, smash little caterpillars that are eating my greens between my fingers, search for edible wild fruits and weeds. I know there is a Persimmon tree somewhere close to the garden, I just haven't found it yet. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I try to make it to Yoga at the gym at 1, then I teach from 3:55-6:45. On Wednesdays and Fridays, I take my time, grade papers, meet with students, clean my house, visit The Tomato House (my favorite roadside local market where I can by all kinds of novelty sodas, sauces, local eggs, veggies, nuts, beans, and delicious boiled peanuts...DELICIOUS). Most of these things I do by myself as everyone else works at the restaurant. Sometimes I go into town and sit at the bar at The Half Moon Saloon to talk to Irish Dave and enjoy a unique selection of beers. Aside from Dave, I haven't met a lot of people. My students are the people I consider to be my "new friends" in that we talk to each other, spend about three hours a week together, laugh at each others' jokes, and encourage each other. My students are fantastic. Love em. LOVE! But NGCSU doesn't have a place for me in the spring. Sometimes I go to Atlanta alone to do Bikram or hang out at a bookstore or Trader Joe's. And sometimes I go up to the winery and chat with the servers, who, of course think I'm the cutest, mostly because my boyfriend has fired a couple of them...and no one else wants to get the boot. They give me free glasses of Prosecco, and Brad brings me the occasional free beer. Or sometimes I just sit in the office and play Spider Solitaire.

The biggest complaint I have is that I am lonely, but as it is, don't I have the most lovliest of schedules? I feel like a jerk when I complain...but loneliness is really horrible and painful. It is the resistance. The only thing that, at its worst, makes me create scenarios in which I pack up everything and move away to start a new life alone.

Also, I seem to be putting my underwear on inside out as of late. What's up with that?


Apryl said...

I'm sorry that things have been so rough. Loneliness is one of the worst things about moving. I have missed having a regular place to go and mingle with people, like at a job that also pays me. Because you do have some free time in your schedule, would you be interested in this: Maybe you could meet some neat people there. Good luck, dear! If you ever want to vent your frustrations aloud, you know my number.

By the way, that's weird about your underwear.

Apryl said...

There's also this: Or maybe you could find some people who share your interests here: The North Georgia Witches Meetup Group sounds particularly promising. If that's not for you, you could take advantage of the many scrapbooking groups.

Or you could help Dance Dance Party Party in the Atlanta area get restarted: There's one here. When I first heard of it, you were one of the people who I thought might also enjoy it. But you don't live near me, so I never mentioned it. I've wanted to try it for a while, but I've been a little too chicken and broke for even the $5 per week. Read the headline on the Chicago site: How could it not be amazing?!?

Enough of my unsolicited advice...for now.

Nancy Caroline said...

Advice greatly appreciated. Never unsolicited. You are the best.

Apryl said...

Happy birthday, dear! I thought I'd celebrate by leaving a mostly irrelevant comment on a blog post.

Juniperrr said...

Wow. This sounds like my move. Wish I'd seen this when you posted it months ago. Are things still the same?

john/laura said...

i have to know whether or not you checked out the north georgia witches.