at the most juvenile things. I do. This evening (around 1:00 a.m.) Linus and I were walking in the snow and enjoying the quiet, when I stepped in a small pothole, slipped a little, and simultaneously farted a fart that sounded a bit like a low pitched clown horn. Well, you know how it is when it snows, quiet, peaceful, never too cold. This echoed. My laugh echoed. I couldn't stop laughing. It was better than an episode of I Love Lucy. Linus just stared at me with his furrowed brow concerned look: concerned that I hurt myself, concerned that I was actually crying, or just concerned that I was going crazy.
Random, unrelated bridge: I'm in a bit of a pickle. My penchant for peace these days is putting me in the position of peacemaker, naturally; however, treading lightly is not always my strongest suit, and peacemaking often demands it. I meditated tonight, but all I could concentrate on was the fact that my back is currently so weak that it hurts to sit up straight for a long period of time. It's good to know but doesn't get me any closer to a solution. I realize I'm being vague. It's on purpose.
Anyway, back the fact that farting out loud is probably one of the funniest things in the world. I enjoy the irony of it. The fact that it's so frowned upon in civilized circles. I made a joke once when having fun with a whoopie cushion. Someone asked me if I could sit on the cushion and make myself burp at the same time. I did my "laugh that morphs into a cry" to indicate the fact that being able to do so would secure my place in the realm of singledom forever, and we were just talking about a whoopie cushion. A few months later, while chopping vegetables and listening to NPR (the most civilized of activities, in my opinion) I actually farted out loud and immediately burped this long drawn out belch. I froze. I had DONE IT. I was officially too disgusting for words. SO, I laughed out loud...for a LONG time. I gave myself the hiccups.
I believe it was Benjamin Franklin that said, "Fart proudly." If I am correct, doesn't that make me the most patriotic of Americans? I should say it does.
P.S. yeah. I know I just grossed some of you out. Especially my mother (well, I really just embarrassed the living daylights out of my mother). Apologies.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Dear Future Caroline
Dear Future Caroline,
Worrying doesn't do anyone any good. Remember how you always worry about money, and SOMEHOW, everything works out? Yeah. Keep remembering that.
Also, don't forget how freeing it is to DELEGATE. Trying to do everything yourself because you'll do it the best is WRONG. It's actually a sin. The worst of all the sins. Worse than public displays of affection (unless someone else is PDAing...then that's worse). Other people want to help, and they will bring new and fresh ideas to you. Other people are talented and good. Yay for other people!
Gaining weight in the winter is warm. Do not fear it.
If you put your clothes away now, you don't have to do it later...after your cat pees on them.
Never click on a link entitled "Secret Crush Revealer." Boooooooooooo.
If a cat headbutts you, it is because the cat thinks you are cool. Guess what: you are cool in the eyes of many cats. This also means that you are "crazy" in the eyes of a lot of "people."
If your pants don't fit. Buy pants that fit. Stop being lame and uncomfortable. MR. PANTS loves you regardless of your muffin top (again...a lot of people will not think this is sweet...but rather "crazy).
Star Trek is awesome.
Antibiotics WILL give you heartburn. Be prepared.
Trust your friends. They don't sit around judging you. They really really don't. Right?
FLOSS!!!!!
Go sit on a beach in Mexico right now...or, you know...soon.
You are, more than anything, YOU. Don't try to be anything else and never compromise the things that make you THAT. It is more painful than having really bad gas on a first date....and you KNOW how painful that can be.
LOVE,
You
P.S. Sometimes cheap Chinese(ish) food really hits the spot.
Worrying doesn't do anyone any good. Remember how you always worry about money, and SOMEHOW, everything works out? Yeah. Keep remembering that.
Also, don't forget how freeing it is to DELEGATE. Trying to do everything yourself because you'll do it the best is WRONG. It's actually a sin. The worst of all the sins. Worse than public displays of affection (unless someone else is PDAing...then that's worse). Other people want to help, and they will bring new and fresh ideas to you. Other people are talented and good. Yay for other people!
Gaining weight in the winter is warm. Do not fear it.
If you put your clothes away now, you don't have to do it later...after your cat pees on them.
Never click on a link entitled "Secret Crush Revealer." Boooooooooooo.
If a cat headbutts you, it is because the cat thinks you are cool. Guess what: you are cool in the eyes of many cats. This also means that you are "crazy" in the eyes of a lot of "people."
If your pants don't fit. Buy pants that fit. Stop being lame and uncomfortable. MR. PANTS loves you regardless of your muffin top (again...a lot of people will not think this is sweet...but rather "crazy).
Star Trek is awesome.
Antibiotics WILL give you heartburn. Be prepared.
Trust your friends. They don't sit around judging you. They really really don't. Right?
FLOSS!!!!!
Go sit on a beach in Mexico right now...or, you know...soon.
You are, more than anything, YOU. Don't try to be anything else and never compromise the things that make you THAT. It is more painful than having really bad gas on a first date....and you KNOW how painful that can be.
LOVE,
You
P.S. Sometimes cheap Chinese(ish) food really hits the spot.
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