SO. The new year has begun, and I am already getting my ass kicked. It started in the parking lot of a lovely little Italian restaurant in Dallas, Texas. NO. Not that. I came out to my car after some pasta and wine to find the window of my rental car broken in, my back pack dug out from under the pile of clothes I thought I had cleverly hidden it with and whisked away to, I don't know, Ebay or something. I lost my computer, my copy of Emerson's Nature and Other Writings, my phone charger, my camera battery charger, my house keys (along with my Kroger plus card), my favorite jeans, and ALL (yes) ALL of my makeup. Granted, I never had a lot of makeup, but I had enough, and now it's all gone. I know. I KNOW. It should never have been in my car, but it was, and I can't go back and change it. I can only learn and grow and be miserable about it.
And, as if that wasn't enough, I returned home to find that my bike has mysteriously disappeared from the LOCKED foyer of my duplex. Tell me, if there is no broken glass, how did someone get in to take my bike if they were not let in?
In any case. My new year's resolution to ride my bike more is down the drain. I feel violated...and not in a good way. I feel powerless. I pretty much feel like the only thing I can do is sit here and be a little pissed about it, not a lot pissed because what does that do for me? I had a big long sad day on Sunday, and now I'm just trying to make sure that I am teaching enough classes to pay my bills this spring. I sure wish I had a bike though. Man.
What about a computer? Well. I feel lame. I feel like a crappy 29 year old. But, I let my dad buy me a new one. I'd like to make payments to him to pay him back for it over the next few months. I bet I could probably do that. I had this moment this morning (and this "moment" becomes more and more frequent the older I get) where I just broke down into this pile of mess crying about how I'm twenty-nine and I'm struggling to take care of myself. My dad was sweet and tried to tell me that he remembers struggling to take care of me and my mom when I was just a baby. I made the point that I can't take care of MYSELF, much less a wife and child. My ability to pay my bills is more solid at this point than it was this morning, but still not entirely guaranteed. At times the starving "artist" (teaching literature is totally an art) is a real inspiration, but there are times when it's kind of ridiculous not being able to pay for things...ever.
I am going to build my new bike. I'm going to the Co-op, and I'm going to build a new bike. 2K9 is not the boss of me. It's not my real mom so it cannot tell me what to do.
Can I borrow some money?