Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Let's Start This Month!

DUDE! (I have recently reincorporated that term into my vernacular. It is the mark of Americanism) It is October! The best month of the year.

Much has happened in 2008. I spent the first five months of it in another country. I spent the next three months in a bathing suit and/or shorts, skirts, layers upon layers of sunblock, and pigtails (in other the Memphis Heat). I have spent the past couple of months running around (occasionally) like a chicken with my head cut off, but I'm getting my stride back. I can remember coming back from England and being so angry because I had a life before. I had a way of doing things, of being together and getting it done, but being in love and throwing caution to the wind had set me off my path. I have decided it is not such a bad thing, getting thrown off track. How do we live if not off the track?

I have made a few decisions about the future: I am responsible for the decisions that I make. I am also responsible for the feelings that I feel. It is such a weight off my decide to take responsibility for my actions and feelings. I am no longer pointing my finger. I am learning to love myself. I am also learning to forgive. I hope it lasts.

Remember that blog I wrote back in March? About wanting to be really honest and up front about things? I have decided that I need to do something about that. I recently spoke with an old friend at my high school reunion about the struggles that we have had since we graduated, about the differences and similarities in our paths. It reminded me of the article I read in the Guardian that inspired the blog in March. If you are interested in reading it, and you SHOULD be, here is a link: Inspiration, for free!

In any case. My conversation, along with this article got me thinking that it's time to DO something. I mean, I've been pretty honest about my experience, and I've gotten a lot of encouragement on the way to continue to be really honest about my experiences, encouragement from people that felt connected to my pain. Well. I think, it's time for us to start sharing. I don't know how to do this, but I'd like to start some sort of forum for women...and men, and just be honest about their experiences. Like...unabashedly, unashamedly...honest. What more can we offer each other than the truth? A safe place to tell the truth. This is my idea. A place to share...without fear...of any kind of judgment or ridicule. Read the article in the link. Tell me what you think...tell me what your reaction was, and if it was the same as mine...let's talk about starting a club...I'm down.


christopher burbeck said...

i think thats a great idea to start a honest mental health club....i would like to be apart your group ...although i did put a friend request in on facebook that has gone unanswered...i understand ..after reading your blog this might be a "no mans land " type place , but have truly lived and loved , my life has taken me to the four corners of the world , i dont sweat the small stuff and im not afraid . i am alive and in one piece . i would like to end this by saying your blog has you in it , trapped , the happy you , where did she go ? Are there anymore or just stuck on one song playing yourself out until the battery runs out . After that all is left are your lovely manners .

Nancy Caroline said...

I do not typically add people to my friends list that I do not know. I am not that kind of social networker.

I do not understand your ending. What do you mean by, "where did she go?" Do I not seem happy? And if I don't seem happy, what is the harm in that? What would lead you to draw the conclusion that I am somehow "trapped" in my blog? Do we interact in real time? Do we see each other every day? I do not understand these judgements/observations. Have I done or said something wrong? Let's be honest here. I am uncomfortable with your final statements. They suggest a total misunderstanding of who I am and what I am saying. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I'm just curious as to where these observations are coming from.

Nancy Caroline said...

Having said all of that, I certainly don't want to give the impression that this is a no man's land. I hope I haven't expressed any sort of disdain for the male species. Feminism is anti-sexism, and disdain for the male species is most definitely sexism. So...join. I don't want it to be a mental health club, however...that stuff's been done. More like a writer's forum...where honesty is encouraged...even the most brazen.

Anonymous said...

fair enough , well for starters i dont live anywhere near your community i live in Germantown , so our path never cross . im reading your blogs from the past , they are a little sad , there is nothing wrong with that nor does it sound harsh . my judgements and observations i agree would be wrong getting blips here and there , but now after reading your comments your coming in loud and clear . sorry to bother i was terrible wrong about you on many levels .

chrishaley said...

As much fun as it is to jump in in the middle of a weird comment conversation taking place, I just wanted to say that I would bet I am the one to thank/blame for getting you back on board with saying "dude".

Vanessa said...

HAHA, I am glad you are on the 'Dude' train. I used to get made fun of for my love of the word. Actually, Brett and I have taken to always saying:
"I love you, dude."

All. The. Time.

Vanessa said...

BTW...who the heck is Chris Burbeck/Anonymous?

Anonymous said...

berbec is indeed scary. is there a way to get him off the site. please do so. do not be fooled by his, "but now after reading your comments your coming in loud and clear . sorry to bother i was terrible wrong about you on many levels ."

to say this guy is scary is an understatement. he's a predator who somehow got in without your approval and then writes insulting comments followed by a profuse retraction, "...i was terrible wrong (terrible????) about you on so many levels."

best fan

Nancy Caroline said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks his initial comments were insulting. So much for honesty when there are creepy guys out there.