Sunday, April 24, 2011

Well, Duh.

Man. It is so damn hard, right?

This weekend has been a roller coaster. Back up. The past two months have been a roller coaster. I keep tumbling into these positions where I know EXACTLY what I want, but I'm surrounded by someone else's fear/confusion/subconscious games. We do that, don't we? We play games without even realizing it. Someone holds us at arm's length, and we dance around the fact hoping we'll find an opening at some point, but the game is too hard. And falling in love is easy.

It is. Relationships are hard. Falling in love is the fun part. I believe in that. I've never had an experience where the falling in love was hard and the relationship was easy. The falling in love is the easy part. It's hard to let go of that fear, though. I know. But it is a glorious free fall, isn't it?

Here are some things about me:
If I like you, you will know. You'll never have to wonder...does she like me? You'll know because I'll look you in the eye and tell you...repeatedly.

I've fallen in love more times than I ever thought possible (and don't take this to mean that the number is high. It's not. I never thought I'd fall in love again after my first love). It's always scary, but it's always totally worth it.

Someone once told me, "When you know, you know. When you don't know, you know." I think I was probably bitter at the time, and groaned at the words, but the more they bounce around in my head, the more sense they make. When you know you KNOW. When you don't know, you KNOW. The heart is wild, fickle, many things, but NEVER a liar. Trust your heart. Or whatever it is you trust inside yourself.

If you tell me no again and again, I will stop asking...eventually.

Sometimes all it takes is one act of courage...sometimes one act of courage is required almost every day. NO, usually.

Stand up for what you want, for what you need. Don't be afraid of falling and having to rearrange a lot of things in your life. That's the fun part.

Go outside. Take a deep breath. And, as Eudora Welty said, "Never think you've seen the last of anything."

Just some chicken soup. No organization. Just sodium. Lots and lots of it.

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