Monday, May 16, 2011

In Comes the Fog

uuuuugh. It's that time again: time for Caroline to bemoan her existence.

Yay. Summer is here. It's beautiful outside during the day; it's beautiful outside at night. Everything is green. Everything is warm. Everything is easier and lighter. Except I made the mistake of falling for someone over the past couple of months, then being pushed away by someone, then pushing someone away, and now wishing everything would have gone differently. I feel about as heavy as an elephant, physically and emotionally. I'm actually sitting here being sad. Just sitting here. Being sad.

What a grand time spring is. You've been dating and dating and miserable and hopeless, and then someone pops up out of nowhere, and you can't get enough. They are so NEAT. Except YOU can't get enough. Just you. And you think, "hey! I deserve to be with someone that feels the same way! Feel the same way, dammit!" But they don't, or, at least, it FEELS like they don't. And you get scared. And everything falls apart. And you go back to dating and dating and being miserable with all that. No one sparks.  No one really grabs your interest. Nothing seems to fit. Especially not your pants.

That was the part where I help you empathize with me.

So, I'm sitting here. Being sad. Feeling broken. Feeling like I've irreparably malfunctioned somewhere along the line. But mostly just feeling lonely. Surrounded by people, and completely alone. And I'm too pissed to even make jokes about it. Right now, at least.

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