Thursday, May 8, 2008

I Swear

Your comments are helping me get through the days. I check my blog about once every hour at work just to read your comments. I also check in the help me get dressed. I'm not as scared of coming home...I feel a support network.

This evening I googled 'broken heart' (just in case you were wondering, 'Google' does not acknowledge the term 'googled' as an actual word). Then, as if that wasn't enough, I actually visited the different sites that came up. Wikipedia has an entry for broken does '' I found the About article much more informative. Wikipedia told me what the symptoms of a broken heart were...which confirmed my broken heart, but About told me the only way to get over it. And guess what...I've been doing MOST of it except exercising (although I pretty much walk most places) and forgiving myself. I do a pretty good job of listing all the things I probably did wrong and running them over and over in my head until I'm certain that there isn't a single person in the world that could love me for who I am.

Don't unleash me in a room full of ornery mothers. I have no pity. I hugged a mom today after giving the whole room a speech about how I didn't know how long the wait would be. It was probably just me, but I felt like I was being attacked by droves of angry women every time I got up to tend to something. I was having trouble breathing. Then, after the speech...this mom came up to me to apologize and say that she needed to I apologized back...and I hugged her...randomly...I'm pretty sure she's not the hugging type. But she took it very well, and asked me to hold her baby while she arranged the baby carrying on your chest thingy. I saw the baby and his little spots on his newly irritated skin...and he was sucking away contentedly on a little pacifier that said "sweet pea" on it...and I teared up.

Liam breaks up with me...and it finally gets warm in London. The weather in this city has been a living hell...for my entire relationship practically...and now that it's's enjoyable...and I can look around and see that it's beautiful..and smell that it's beautiful...and feel that it's lovely...but I can't bring myself to enjoy it deep down in my gut. I feel like I've been robbed.


diana said...

I noticed Apryl's reference to Steel Magnolias, and I can't help but reference my own choice for motivational masterpiece, but I can't remember if it's motivational or insulting. either way, I'm sure you can find a use for it:

Stick It.

chrishaley said...

No matter the situation, I find that two sentences I know of can be quite helpful.
The first is "Don't panic."
The second is "Life ain't nothin' but a funny, funny riddle."

Anonymous said...

Please, if we were all held accountable for all the things that we do wrong in a romantic relationship, none of us would ever be with anyone for more than a couple of weeks. We wouldn't have any friends either. And you have friends. Take our love as some proof that you are definitely lovable for who you are.


Anonymous said...

The weather being nice is God's way of telling you to get out of the house . . . and on your own. You are such a strong person . . . dude, your some place I've never been. . . crappy weather or not - enjoy!!!!!! You'll be back in muggy Memphis soon enough. Joy! The weather here was sticky & humid today . . . well, I thought so anyway. Take some pretty pictures . . . that's all I'll ever see of London.