Monday, May 26, 2008

I'm Sorry

So...today was day 25 of being broken up with him, day 11 of actually being separated from him. I'm doing OKAY. I decided that I would do something nice for myself today and go out and buy some underwear that I really like...but I went to like....four different places, and no one had the exact type of underwear that I was looking for...so I didn't get any...because I'm sick of buying underwear that I hate because I can't find what I like. Thus...I did nothing for myself today. I cried a little, and thought...man...it's going to be a really good day when I get through it without crying.

I also got myself out of my bed, after my failed underwear adventure, and made it over to Grace's for a pre-memorial day cookout. I couldn't believe my ability to actually have conversations with people without breaking down and crying to them about how sad I am. I only broke once...technically. And let me just say this...I'm SORRY that I'm not happy enough to be cheerleader pumped about other people's fantastic relationship successes. I have to convince myself to stop thinking about the guy that broke up with me and how much I want him back...and I have to convince myself that I need to start coming to terms with the fact that I will never be able to have him back. This is the difficult journey in my head and heart. And so...for those of you that are experiencing relationship bliss...I am sorry...deep in the recesses of my heart, I am incredibly happy for you...there is a tiny version of me locked away somewhere behind all this baggage that is doing a little cheerleader toe touch for you..and flicking her pig tails. Which are cute. But the me outside, is stuck in a block of muck...trying to keep from crying at random times because the person she put stock in...gave up and sold out. Don't feel sorry for me. There is nothing to be sorry for...just understand my lack of enthusiasm...and take the minute expressions of happiness that I give as HUGE...perhaps even a high five...up high AND down low.

5 comments:

anna said...

so now, in addition to eating cake at "sweet," i feel you must also give me the charge of helping you find the "perfect underwear." which i am only going to assume means crotchless. and I know exactly where to get those (read: i know where diana lives).

it was really great to see you last night. you were funny and charming and warm. so quit being sorry.

vylica.8 said...

i only bought diana a couple pair. couldn't you just try online?

diana said...

you people are so silly. everyone knows I don't wear underwear.

Anonymous said...

I love pigtails. Don't you wish that we could still get away with wearing them? Maybe I'll wear them this summer anyway. My hair is pretty long again. You could order some hair from Jessica Simpson on the Home Shopping Network. Unfortunately, they don't carry her line of underwear yet. I'm sure they would be super fabulous! And you would look super hot in synthetic pigtails and panties from Jessica Simpson!

Apryl

Vanessa said...

Agreed Apryl, agreed.